Can’t stand the distance

Reaching out so far away

And wondering and dreaming

Inside my heart it stays

Giving you space & respecting your wall

Oh, how I wish it would fall!

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Holiday stress

There is so much holiday stress all around. So much road rage when I’m driving. Just an overall negative energy. It’s stressful because nature tells us to slow down this time of year and we don’t. The days are shorter and colder. We are called to spend this time doing some deep reflection on how the past three seasons have changed us. This is the time of introspection and forgiveness.¬†Instead, the social pressure of Christmas has us going out more, buying more, and overall doing more. There is excitement in gift-giving, but most people take it way too far. People are more fixated on the objects rather than the act of giving and receiving. They’re out shopping and getting irritated with long lines, traffic, and their bank accounts. Listen to nature because it has something important to say. Fighting against it causes sickness in the body and the mind.

Agony

Sitting and looking back in agony now

all the misunderstandings that happened somehow

opportunities I prayed for but too scared to really take

only full of fear, when a dream came to my face

I pulled back, rejecting the one thing I wanted most

Angel knocked on my door and I just faded like a ghost

I would do anything to go back, this time I would be brave

I would hold my dream again, and this time, let it sweep me away

I’d nod, jump into the car, and ride down paradise lane

and if that second chance never comes, I know I’ll go insane.

Dead tree in the foggy mountains

Pain

If someone wants to see you suffer

Wants to deliberately cause you pain

If you see them as a star in the sky

But they just see you as a game

They built your hopes up, knowing you’d fall

They successfully made you feel small

Maybe their reasoning is that they are hurt

Or maybe they are blind, can’t see your worth

You try to show you are genuinely real

But they don’t know how to trust or feel

You wanna go backstage, they wanna put on a show

Well thank you for the pain, now I can finally let you go.

Brave

No one should ever try to “downgrade” themselves just because the people around them can’t handle it. You should embrace who you are — that’s what they say, “accept your flaws, embrace your flaws.” But what about your gifts? You should be allowed to embrace the positive aspects of yourself without feeling guilty about it. As long as you are a nice and respectful person, there is no shame in feeling good about yourself. Unfortunately, society conditions us to feel bad about ourselves.

Certainly, cockiness and arrogance is dangerous. But there is a great difference. There’s a difference between assuming you are untouchable vs. having hope that you won’t break with the knowledge that it’s very possible. There’s a difference between claiming you know everything vs. trusting your intuition with the knowledge that delusion is still a possibility.

So just because someone may come off as confident does not mean that they aren’t full of doubts and fears that haunt them all the time. It’s easy to be intimidated by others but it’s foolish to assume that they think less of you. In fact, there’s a great chance that the person you are intimidated by is actually twice as intimidated by you. We all express ourselves in different ways and it’s unfair to make assumptions about someone’s behavior.

It’s very, very, very sad that all of us humans have been conditioned since birth to have low self-esteem, or to feel guilty about having high self-esteem. For sure, it has a lot to do with keeping the economy going — insecurity makes you buy more things that you don’t need — more makeup, plastic surgery, more clothing, fancy cars, or anything else that’s shiny and boosts your ego. But I think it’s even more than money. It’s simply the human condition.

It’s so difficult to accept that someone has love for you that you overthink and overanalyze their words and actions until you have fully convinced yourself that it’s all in your head. Most people, you could literally write it in the sky that you think they are so beautiful and special, and they still won’t believe you. They will paint you as a vicious liar who’s “messing with you” or “won’t leave you alone” when in reality they are just trying to get it through their brain that YES, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND SPECIAL! I know a lifetime of being conditioned to hate yourself makes it hard to believe, but IT’S TRUE! It doesn’t matter how loud you yell it, some people still can’t hear it.

So what to do? Downgrade yourself and diminish your worth just so you can put a little bit of color in someone’s black heart? No. What you should do is this: continuing being brave, and if you’re lucky, that bravery will spread like a virus and whoever felt nervous of you will catch that bravery and finally understand how incredible they really are!

I think that if everyone in this world was super confident then we would all freely love and support one another without envy or fear of rejection. Confidence makes the world a better place (but not cockiness, there is a difference). So don’t let other people steal your shine. If someone is so nervous of you that they can’t see how much you truly adore them, and everything you do to show them your appreciation of them somehow gets twisted around into something negative, well then you just have to continue being brave.